Spitting Baby

"A baby is born with a need to be loved - and never outgrows it."

It's 5 o'clock in the morning on July 12, 2013. I just got over being sick with bronchitis and a sinus infection and I missed not being able to hold my sweet, 5 month old baby Evan. You woke me up at 4:30 with a high pitched squeal. You had somehow managed to completely cover your face with a blanket that Mrs. Holland had made you. I took the blanket off your eyes to reveal your sweet smile. Perk-a-boo is one of your favorite games,that is after spitting. For literally the last 15 minutes, I've laid here on our couch in our town home while you have been spitting and making faces at me. It's all I can do to not burst out in to laughter at you with your silliness. You should be getting a tooth now any day and you take so much joy in spitting. Yes, I have taken several videos of you doing this to show you when you get older. Yes, I do plan on going in to your room at 5 or 6 in the morning when you are a teenager to make spitting sounds to keep you awake at night. Just kidding, although the thought has crossed my mind several times. I have to be at a meeting in 5 hours, but I haven't slept yet, oh well! 

You are starring at me in hopes of a response of laughter, and I'm trying my hardest to avoid eye contact and just write this out. 

Your smile is so enchanting and you are so sweet. I can't wait to see how your personality develops as you grow in to a young man of God.

Did I mention your new obsession with your feet? When I pause from writing to check to make sure you're ok, all I see is your feet up in the air and you trying to eat your toes. 

I love you so much with a love that is different from any other kind. You are my baby boy, and I will do my best to guide you down the road God has called you to take.

Why won't you sleep?

It's 11:07pm on Wednesday, April 24, 2013. Your dad is on his way home from work, and I am exhausted! I have to wake up in about 6 and a half hours to go teach some kindergartners at Hampton Preparatory. It's my first year teaching, I just graduated from college a year ago at the age of 25.
I'm watching you with your eyes wide awake in your swing, fighting your sleep. You are wearing a blue, long sleeved, footsie, onesie with jungle animals printed all over it that Coral gave you in the hospital when you were born. You are kicking your feet and punching your arms and making random whiny "ah" sound. You have been up since about 8:30 this morning and spent all day playing with daddy until mommy could get home to see you!
I'm saying all of this because its a picture I want to remember. Even though I'm dead tired and I would love nothing more than for my head to hit the pillow, I can't sleep either.
You are so precious and so loved. I prayed over you tonight for God to move in your life and for you to witness his grace and love daily. I prayed for God to shield your heart and your eyes from this world. It is not the same place from when I was a little girl. I prayed that while I know that you have to grow up, you will always show your father and me respect and not be embarrassed by us, but remember that we will always have your best interest at heart. I look at you and thank God that I got to witness a miracle. I got to help bring a precious and beautiful life in to this world! You are so important and so valuable, I will tell you everyday how loved you are!
The other night I was putting away your newborn clothes and sobbing. You will be 3 months old next week. I can't believe how fast time is going by. Before I know it, I will have to share you with the love of your life. I'm already praying for that person. In life, we accept the love that we think we deserve. Remember this when dating and looking for "the one." God is working on your soulmate daily and when the moment is right for both of you, God will ordain that special time and place and you will know.
This is still far in to the future, but this is just an example of what I think about when I look at your beautiful, chubby face and love, loving you!
You are my son and you will always be my most precious gift.

A Letter to My Son

1 John 5:4 For everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith.

 

Dear Evan,

 

You have your whole life ahead of you and I am so excited to see where God takes it! This world is not the easiest place to live. There are trials and temptations that you will not be able to avoid, no matter how deeply I wish you could. If it were up to me, your life would be flawless and perfect. If that were to happen though, you would never be able to experience the love and grace of God. He has a special place for you in this world, I know it. I prayed every day for you while I carried you in my womb and I still continue to pray for you daily. I pray that you acknowledge His presence daily and that you remain faithful, no matter what is thrown your way. When the world closes a door, let God open another one.

Take time to worship and revel in His presence daily. Allow yourself to cry and be vulnerable. To be a man of God in this world is one of the most difficult things you will have to do, but it is so worth it. You have your father and me here to cheer you on and to be your confidants. I have wanted nothing more for you from the day I learned of your existence than to be a child of God and to grow up to be a man of God.

I pray that your heart will be overwhelmed with the love of God. I pray that you will see the world through the eyes of the Lord. Your name means "God is Gracious" and I want you to experience His grace. Allow yourself to feel His hands on your life and reach out for Him. There is nothing more beautiful than experiencing His presence when you worship.

Never be afraid to lift your hands in his name. Dance when you feel like dancing and cry when you feel like crying, because there is nothing more free than feeling His grace and mercy wash over you when you are in His presence.

I will always be by your side and encourage you to seek the Lord in every situation. As long as you keep your faith, there is nothing that man can throw your way that the Lord can not help you to overcome.

This life will not be easy, but through the love and grace of God, you will see His goodness and mercy. He will shine a light on your life and lead you down a path that will protect your heart and mind. I will do everything I can to encourage you to follow that path.

 Never be afraid to seek after the wisdom of those older than you. Even though your father and I have made mistakes in our lives, we have seen God through all of them. Never think any situation is too small because this life is unexpected and there are other forces that will interfere with the Lord's desire for your life.You are surrounded by people who love you and who want nothing but good things for your life.

You will never be alone. God's grace will always be upon you. Allow the King of King's to guide you in the way of everlasting life and you will see miracles and witness a love that you never knew possible. Bind your heart to the Lord and in all your ways acknowledge Him.