Exodus 15:2
The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. He is my God, and I will praise him, my father's God, and I will exalt him.
This week has been such an emotional roller coaster for me. I woke up Sunday morning remembering how my grandfather used to wake me up with a cold rag and slowly patted my face until I would open my eyes. Him and my grandmother would sing "good morning" and argue over what tie my grandfather would wear. I would watch Gerber on tv and look forward to going to Sunday School with my grandparents for the free doughnuts and smell of coffee. They had so many friends who I considered to be my friends too and we all went to Luby's afterwards where I got the same thing for lunch every week.
Having that to look forward to every weekend gave me the strength to go through my week at home. My grandparents were, and still are, God's reflection in my life. Seeing the way they live their life and loved on me made me see God's love and want me to love on those around me.
I have so much love and adoration for my grandfather, but growing up, I always knew that God was and is my father. Without the strength of God, I WOULD not be who I am today. He has poured out grace and mercy on my life and I sometimes feel like I am drowing in it. Like the David Crowder Band song says, "If his grace is an ocean, we are all sinking."
God has been really moving in my life this week. I have just been so overwhelmed by his presence and compassion. God and I have a song, "Come thou Fount." He always plays this song on the radio when I need that reassurance that He is with me and when I need Him to still my soul. When I was driving to church on Sunday, I knew God was telling me I needed to play that song because we needed to have one of our moments. I didn't want to play it though, I was pouting and wanted to dwell in my self-pity. When I got to church, I started realizing that I was missing my grandfather terribly, which was a reason why I was in such a foul mood that morning. I sat in my usual row with my friends and husband and was trying to prepare my heart for worship. The worship leader started speaking and took the words right out of my head. He said, let's prepare our hearts, we are going to sing, "Come thou Fount." I embarassed myself because the first words I said was, "shut-up." Of course my husband and friends didn't know why I spoke those words right before chuch, but I knew that God was telling me that I needed to listen to what He had to say. After that song, the worship pastor started talking about not having a father and that the fatherless really needed to be listening to what God was telling them and let the Spirit move through them. That was it, I was bawling and I could just feel God overwhelm me and I knew that God knows how much I miss my grandfather, but that He is here for me and I am never alone.
The last song that we sang was, "How He Loves," which is the song from above by David Crowder Band. I just knew that God was telling me that He is not letting me go anywhere, He is not going to let me fall while I am under such stress, and He is my father and loves me and takes joy in me pouring out my love on others.
